I still keep thinking that when I go to cmc later, I would see you, walking by, shades hiding your eyes. You would smile, I would smile, you would greet me, "Hi Anna B." and I would wave back. And then we would go our own ways; me not knowing that underneath those shades are probably the saddest eyes I would see.

I really admire you, and would like to get to know you better, and now I don't have a chance to. I should've treasured that lunch together, I wished I spent more time listening to you; knowing you. I know if onlys do nothing; but i still really really regret that in all the years we were orgmates, I didn't exert much effort in getting to know you.

I am now pretty bitter towards sir for saying that your concept's too 'out there'; if it was approved, then at least you would've had something to be happy about, and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't have done it. But now you're the one who's 'out there', out there where we could never interact with you again until our time; out there where you're probably watching us. And when i'm there, I'll force you to explain why. I want to understand why. I want to understand why you let the world lose a great filmmaker, a dreamer, a son, an orgmate, a friend..

You're much more than these, and I know you have your reasons, your ways. If only you listened to Charlie Chaplin's Smile.. but I don't want to dwell on the if onlys anymore. And now I realize, I would never see your smile again, I would never see you wave at me again.

It's sad how many people and moments we take for granted, and how much could change in an instant. I still don't understand, but I'm praying for you. I hope you're OK.

Go make great films in heaven, where I'm sure, the lighting's always perfect.

Currently feeling: numb. hindi ko parin tanggap talaga :(

chronicwind ended her rant at 11:19 AM on February 5, 2010.
catch a feather

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

chronicwind ended her rant at 11:44 AM on February 4, 2010.
1 caught a feather

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

chronicwind ended her rant at 11:41 AM on February 4, 2010.
catch a feather